i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
