I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
