I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize