Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
