It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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