I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
