Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
