Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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