i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
