Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
