If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
