Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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