well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
