I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
