right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
