Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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