I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
