shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he thought i was a dude.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
