I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
