HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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