I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
