fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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