That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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