You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
