I want to stick my p in your. b.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
