ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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