Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
