I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
