dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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