So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
