Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize