Betty ford says i'm here all night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
