Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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