Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize