It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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