Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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