I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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