Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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