every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
