I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He better not be in your backpack
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
