You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
