dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
