Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
