I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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