both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
