There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
