He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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