I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I need a burrito and a hug.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
