worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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