Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
