Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
