just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
