fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
