no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
