I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
