I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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