glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
