So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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