If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
