in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
