im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
