the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
