filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
