his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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