I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
