I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She bit a glass in half.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
