Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
