Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
