He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
