I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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