Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
