I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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