My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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