I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
PANTIES FOUND
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
